Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Technical Excellence

The Bugatti Veyron. A feat of engineering excellence, garnished with the pure brilliance that is called ambition. Bugatti, owned by Volkswagen, has been in the game for a long time, they have a pedigree of creating outrageous super cars, most notably the Quad turbo, 16 cylinder, 1001 bhp mammoth Veyron. This car is genius at work, a technical masterpiece. The specs on this car are overwhelming: North - 60 in 2.5 secs, yes that is now.....and now.......and now. It tops out at an astonishing 253 MPH (408 kph). Some of the lesser known facts are quite astonishing as well. If left to its own devices at full throttle, the 100 litre gas tank would run out in 12 minutes and 45 seconds, a mere 2 minutes and 15 seconds before the tires would melt off the alloys. Take into account the cost of 1.5 million US, and then consider that Bugatti is still losing money on every sale, and you soon find yourself seeing why Bugatti is a true automotive enthusiast. This car is not about making it rain. This car is about flexing its Godly muscle in a forum that hasn't seen such a accomplishment.

To point out the audacious speed the Veyron possesses, take the McLaren F1. Until the Veyron hit the scene, the 240 MPH F1 was the fastest production car in the world. To lament the Veyron's out of this world status; in a drag race you could let the McLaren get to 120mph before setting off in the Veyron. And you’d still get to 200mph first. The Bugatti is way, way faster than anything else the roads have seen.

Tragically, I believe that cars like this will become extinct in the not-so distant future. Instead of pushing the envelope of speed and acceleration, we have resorted to saving an environment that will maintain itself anyway. But that is beside the point. We are losing the drive to build such masterpieces. Pressures from the environmentalists and the edgy economy have turned super cars into an enemy of green. It is sad, because feats of engineering such as this are frowned upon. Creativity has been turned into planting a tree rather then keeping a car on the ground at a speed that would easily allow a 800,000 lb airplane to take off.

But at this juncture we should still marvel at a drying breed. While these achievements may become lesser known, we should still acknowledge the contrivance. Jeremy Clarkson puts it this way: It is a triumph for lunacy over common sense, a triumph for man over nature and a triumph for Volkswagen over absolutely every other car maker in the world.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Quarterback Rankings




Fantasy Football Positional Rankings

Quarterbacks:

1. Drew Brees: It pains me not to put my love interest at #1 but he didn’t play more than a quarter last year. Meanwhile Brees racked up over 5000 yards and 30 + TD’s and came 16 yards short of breaking Dan Marino’s single season record for passing yards. Incredibly he did this without the aid of Colston for the first 8 games. With Colston healthy and the emergence of Welkeresque Lance Moore, there is no reason to think 4500 yards is out of the question, and another 30 or so TD’s makes him #1 for a second straight year.

2. Tom Brady: First of all he gives me a chubby. Secondly he makes me want to be gay, not a little bit gay, but full blown gay. Have you seen a picture of this man? I can barely see the ones I have anymore. But besides his good looks, Brady posted 50 TD’s and 4800 yards in 2007, his last full season. Last year he had 11 attempts and then got the shaft from some idiot DT from Kansas City. I have no qualms about his knee this year, Belicheck is a genius and Brady is God-like at Quarterback.

3. Peyton Manning: He’s ugly and he looks like a guy who had an affair with his mother, when he was married to his sister on the Jerry Springer show. These are great characteristics to have when one wants to be a premier QB in the NFL, well at least the ugly part. 4000 yards and 27 TD’s last year is a tad below average, but still good enough to earn League MVP honors and 4th in most fantasy formats. I don’t think 4000 yards out of the question and at least 25 TD’s makes him a solid play at least for another year or two.

4. Aaron Rodgers: Here is the thing, after the three preceding this position, there is a big drop off fantasy wise. Rodgers would be the next best bet. I would have Warner here, but Rodgers has more long term value then Warner does. Rodgers was a bit of a surprise last year. We knew he was alright, but not many believed he would be that good in the wake of Favre’s departure. He posted better stats they Peyton Manning. I see him having a similar season this year, if not better after having a full season under his belt in the NFL.

5. Kurt Warner: If this isn’t a keep league Warner deserves the nod here at 5. Surprising he is good looking as well, and a decent QB to boot. What an incredible season he had last year. His 4500 yards and 30 TD’s reflect the vicious passing game Arizona possesses with Fitzy, Boldin and Breaston, all of which will play again with Warner commanding under center once more. 4000 yards should come with ease, and 25 + touchdowns aren’t out of the question if he can stay healthy.

6. Jay Cutler: Lost a lot of value, for now, when he left Marshall and Co. in Denver. He joins the Bears and their weak receiving corps in which the best receiver happens to be their TE. Hester has the speed to run down Cutlers long bombs. Cutler threw for 4500 yards last year and had 25 TD’s. I don’t think he will break into the 4000 yard plateau. I think at least for this season his TD count will take a hit as well. If he was with Denver I would have him at 4, sadly he is not.

7. Philip Rivers: I hate Philip Rivers. He makes awful decisions on the field. He whines. He makes awful hand offs to LT2. He chokes in the clutch. But if it wasn’t for Drew Brees, Rivers would have been top dog in 2008, so I guess he’s not that bad, I just don’t care for him. He threw 34 TD’s passes and broke 4000 yards. He had the best passer rating in the league, and with LT’s abilities in question going forward, San Diego could be a pass-first team in 2009.

8. Tony Romo: Jessica is out of his life, and so is T.O. I don’t know what brought him down more last year, but I see Romo having resurgence this year. Romo also broke his pinkie and missed three games last year. I think his numbers will be good this year. 3700 yards and 28 TD’s is my guesstimate. Someone will have Romosexual tendencies and draft him.

9. Matt Schuab: Let’s face it, he throws to Andre Johnson, league receiving leader last year and #1 fantasy WR as well. Schuab started only 11 games last year and threw for 3050 yards and posted 15 TD’s in the process. If he can remain healthy, 3800 yards and 21 or so touchdowns make for a safe bet as your number 1.

10. Donovan McNabb: This is one streaky guy, he will have a couple real bad games, get benched and then the next week come back throw for 300+ yards and multiple touchdowns. He had an up and down year last year and still threw for nearly 4000 yards. He was sacked a respectable 23 times too, and they brought even more protection in with the acquisition of Jason Peters from Buffalo. Look for 3500 yards and 20 TD’s.

11. Matt Cassel: Outside the top ten, there are a lot of similar QB’s to draft. None of them are elite, but some of them at least have the potential to be. Queue Matt Cassel. A product of Belichick regime in New England, this guy took full advantage of Tom Brady’s injury. 3700 yards and 21 TD’s later and he was in elite company. He was the biggest FA on the market when it came to Fantasy after week 1. He now plays for Kansas City. He will have Dwayne Bowe, who is no Randy Moss, but I still expect him to put up decent numbers because KC will be behind in almost every game. A similar season stats-wise is in store for Cassel owners.

12. Ben Rothhhhlllesidlfhsdkfhsdlkfhsdghberger: Big, Strong, Dumb. Kind of like a toothless mother of 7, unsexy, but productive and reliable. He kind of won a Super-Bowl last year. He also has Hines Ward to throw too, and the emergence of Santonio Holmes helps a lot too. He will get sacked a lot though. And he will through a bunch of ridiculous interceptions to make you mad. Should be good for 3400 yards and 20 TD’s. Who knows though, you can still buy motorcycles…

13. Matt Ryan: I’m not sold on Ryan, but he did make Roddie White look good last year. Now he has Tony Gonzalez to throw over the top too. He did fall off a cliff in the last half of the year though, 7 of his 13 INT came in the last 5 games. Always the sophomore jinx to worry about too.

14. David Gerrard: I think I have him too high this year, but he finished higher than anyone expected last year. This is two schools of thought on Gerrard. 1 is that he will be better this year because of improvements to the WR’s around him. The second train of thought is that those improvements will be a hindrance. Holt is old, and his heyday is over.

15. Carson Palmer: Ocho Cinco wants to break records this year. Maybe he’s actually serious about playing well this year, and with the Housh out of the picture, he will have more balls coming his way. Chris Henry also looks like he wants to leave his past behind him and develop into the “Little Moss” he has been dubbed.

16. Kyle Orton: Neck beards are cool. I also wonder if Kyle Orton hears a who? If Brandon Marshall sticks around Orton could have a good year, if not, he might still have a good year with Eddie Royal. We will actually see here if Orton is a capable and serviceable QB with some talent around him this year.

17. Eli Manning: Uglier and far dumber than his brother. Somehow managed to win a Super bowl after one of his shitty throws where caught between a helmet and an arm by one of his receivers. No Plax this year, well at least I’m 99% sure on that one. Hixon will be the go to guy and rookie Hakeem Nicks will get some looks. Expect a serviceable year for Manning, as disgusting as that sounds.

18. Brett Favre: If he comes back, which looks to be pretty much a done deal, Ol’ Flip Flop will produce decent numbers. That means decent yards, TD’s, and INT’s, the latter will be high as usual from the late season quitter.

19. Chad Pennington: This guy never dies off; as soon as you think he is done in the league as a serviceable QB he heads to Miami and posts good numbers, to the tune of 3700 yards and 19 TD’s. I would expect similar numbers from the 33 year old. He finished 2nd in MVP voting don’t forget.

20. Matt Hasselbeck: Hopefully his back troubles are behind him. I like Hasselbeck, but his WR’s went down faster than Duane at a boy’s weekend. Then he battled back problems all year and didn’t really play too well when he got back. He has the Housh this year, but he is learning a totally different offensive playbook and I see him struggling in it. 3200 yards and 21 Touchdowns will suffice.

21. Joe Flacco: I love this guy; I just don’t love his receiving options.

22. Jason Campbell: Not sold on him

23. Trent Edwards: Better with Owens in the fold, at least until he tries to disrupt the team

24. Jake Delhomme: Still has Steve Smith, but they will be handing the ball off a lot.

25. Shaun Hill: Has some decent receiving threats. Crabtree hasn’t signed yet and is looking at a long holdout.

26. Mark Sanchez: Will shit the bed hard, you heard it first here.

27. Jeff Garcia: Better then Russell at age of 38, I don’t see doing that well and Garcia completes 65% of his passes.

28. Marc Buldger

29. Matthew Stafford: Time will tell on this rookie. He plays on the worst team in the NFL with one of the best receivers kicking around.

30. Brady Quinn: Will battle Derek Anderson for the #1 Job, this will be the year he gets it done, whether or not he is effective is the main issue.

31. Kerry Collins: Who cares

32. Luke McCown: See Kerry Collins.


Running Backs due out soon!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

"Historic" win

In Norwich North, a constituency of the House of Commons of the Parliament of the United Kingdom, the Gordon Brown-led British National Party (BNP) suffered a significant and historic loss this week at the hands of the Conservatives in the Norwich-north by-elections. It is only the second time in 27 years that the conservatives have held a seat in this area that encompasses the Broadland wards of Mile Cross, Sewell, Crome, Thorpe St. Andrew, Sprowston, Old Catton, Catton Grove, Hellesdon, Drayton and Taverham.

The win, according to David Cameron, showed that "people want change in our country". Gordon Brown and his party lost by 7000 votes, in what used to be a comfortable Labour majority in the region. The swing in votes was 16.5%, overturning a 5700 deficit in votes.

Gordon Brown tried t0 downplay the result by stating that it was "disappointing" but this happened in "unprecedented circumstances". Speaking to the BBC, Brown went further in his lackluster defense


"The voters were clearly torn between their anger and dismay at what's been happening with MPs' expenses, something we have been trying to clean up and at the same time support for the former MP, the Labour MP Ian Gibson, who was very popular.

"I don't think any party can take a great deal of cheer from this, the Conservative vote went down, the Liberal vote when down - only the fringe parties saw their votes going up."

Chloe Smith, the new encumbent MP will be the youngest member of Parliament at the ripe age of 27. Her seat will be occupied in October when things getting rolling again in the House after the summer break.

Speaking to the BBC again she stated:

"This isn't about me jumping off here and then going and living up on expenses for the three summer months," she said.

"This is about getting down to it, being honest, and being held to that. If I can be a very very good constituency MP and a very very good local representative for people here, then I hope they'll continue to put their trust in me and I hope I can serve them well."

Monday, July 6, 2009

The long way home...

It's been quite the ride. Love, heartbreak, rock bottom, the light at the end of the tunnel. I've made it. There are some points in life you want to give up, things just don't work out the way you want them too, and shit hits the proverbial fan. I told myself at one point that I wouldn't say this, but it is time to move on, time to leave the past where it belongs. I had some great times, some awesome times that I will always remember. But life goes on, and it is short.

God stepped up when I yelled, screamed, and cried. When I lost it and broke down in my car on several occasions. When didn't think I could make it through another day.

Apparently this dude answers prayer too. It took a while, but then again I was reluctant to more change. I figured enough was enough. Apparently he doesn't give up, even when I had. I was led to the most amazing group of people. Community is a brilliant thing. I argued against it in the past but I can't deny its importance anymore. The grace and love that has been shown is nothing short of a miracle, no one cares where I came from, where I have been. I'm just new.

For a long time I've struggled to write something constructive on here. I think this can be attributed to me not seeing what really was going on. The negativity in my writing didn't reflect the change I was experiencing. I can write now, because I get it.

Someone asked me this past weekend what I thought of the people I now call friends. I didn't know at the time, mostly because for a long time I ridiculed the system, and the people in it. Funny how those people turned into the answer to my prayers. To answer that question: Truly Amazing. A gift from God. At one point I was quite chuffed about it, actually I still am.

I think this will be my last post on the past. I want its relevance to fade. Keep the good, and discard the bad. For the first time a week ago I woke up happy. That is what I want. It has been far to long since I felt that way. I think it is what God wanted all along.

Kutless has a brilliant song called Grace and Love. The lyrics resonate with me:

Many things in life are hard for me
Many things can pull us down
I don't understand why I do what I do
How could I take my eyes off you
After all You've done for me
And after all You've done for me

It's by Your grace and love I am saved
It's by Your grace and love You've forgiven me
And by that love and grace, I'm amazed
It's by Your grace and love I am free
I am free

Never has the phrase "Go In Peace" been so uplifting.

Thanks to everyone who has had their hand in my life, you will never know the level of appreciation I feel.

Finally: God is good. Always.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Trouble in the EU


Last weeks parliamentary elections were held in Europe with some 736 seats up for grabs representing all 27 member states of the European Union. The European Union consists of 375 million eligible voters. The first troubling aspect was that only 43% of registered voters ended up voting. There is a lot at stake in Europe these days. Far-right parties are flourishing, using the economic crisis and the failings of banks as their platform. The economic crisis has not helped matters, only instilling fear, the fuel used by these far-right movements. Far right parties have been making great strides as the left is slowly fading away, lacking direction and a platform. Heather Grabbe states that "In a way, it's the legacy of 1989 catching up with the left." She is referring to the collapse of the Soviet bloc. "They don't have a clear ideology to offer." Being a conservative myself, I tend to agree. Long has Europe held on to left wing, Marxist views, views that offer nothing in a time of financial instabillity. The spread of Conservatism in the EU has been a slow process, and extremism (far-right) has reared its head because of the lack of progression by moderate conservatives.

In last week elections there were some rather brash wins by some rather brash people. Hungarian ultra-nationalist party Jobbik took 15% of the vote, equating to 3 of the countries 22 seats. In Holland, the Party for Freedom came in second in the election and took 17% of the vote. Their leader, Geert Wilders is known for his controversial short film that links terrorism with Islamic Doctrine. In his own country he faces prosecution for inciting hate and discrimination. He is also banned from entering the UK. Other wins for the far-right included the Greater Romania Party. Their leader, one Vadim Tudor is touted as a holocaust denier and a former member of the Communist secret police in Romania. Even the Fascist party in the UK, the British Nationalist Party won two seats. They have never won a seat in any election in the EU, let alone the UK. They snagged 6.2% of the vote, an historic event. This can be contributed to the lack of popularity surrounding Labor party leader and British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, who is looking to save face before their national election, slated for sometime within the next year. Gordon Brown has taken a shellacking in the Commons, most notably for the Expense Scandal. British MP's were claiming expenses for what they call "costs related to their parliamentary duties." This included such things as second homes, which allowed MP's to live closer to work in London. One example of scandalous behavior came when one MP charged expenses for a home only 8 miles closer then his first home. Another charged British taxpayers for a home no where close to her constituency or London. Needless to say, If you didn't vote conservative, British people turned to the fascists. Browns Labor party came in third.

The EU elections have gone by the wayside, their legitimacy has been challenged in a couple places. One of them being the lack of interest shown by voters. Their motivated voters are making big strides. Most of these motivated voters are hailing from the far-right, sick of the left tendencies that have plagued Europe for decades. Most are labeled as extremists in their own right. Their leaders have shady pasts, some may not even be able to take their seats, such is the case for Gigi Becali. He took one of the seats in the aforementioned Greater Romania Parties victory. At this moment he is under investigation for kidnapping and is prohibited from leaving Romania.

Fear has taken over in Europe, Grabbe states that "these parties have managed to exploit the current economic crisis, the fact that people are worried about their jobs and their future, and convinced people that this will somehow all be worsened by the strangers in our midst." Lack of interest by the left-wing, especially in the last voting period saw most voters staying home. Lefties took a hard hit, losing major ground in almost every country. Center-right parties such as the UMP led by Nicolas Sarkozy, France PM, took 28.5 % of the French vote, and while it was the center-right who won the election, they saw little gains in popularity and more importanly seats. Left-wing parties fell off the map, losing many seats over the 27 states.

David Kynaston, a British historian points out that "People who, a generation ago, did not used to be cynical about politics now are. Worse still, people are not just indifferent to politics, they are ignorant about it." Time will tell on how the European political landscape plays out. Germany, Portugal and the UK will all go to the polls within the next year. A definite shift is happening, how far right it goes remains to be seen, but for now the left is all but irrelevant, finally.

Monday, June 15, 2009

HRC's, The Liberals, and Ezra Levant

Lately I have been spending a lot of my free time researching and educating myself about the Human Rights Commissions that unjustly "rule" this country. Much of my readings have been unbiased, looking at past reports done by media outlets such as McLean's, CTV, the CBC, and so on. It's been quite the educational process. What I have found, and formulated is the atrocious disregard for actual Human Rights, being displayed by the CHRC, and various provincial HRC's.

Here you can watch
the head of the CHRC pussy out of debate with Ezra Levant, a leading Canadian activist against the CHRC.

Here you can read how the CHRC wants to censor you, for no real reason, this latest report by the CHRC is ridiculous. In fact, in my readings, the CHRC was probed itself, and found guilty of using its own members as "instigators", posting anti-Semitic comments on public forums. That's right, they posed as neo-Nazi's, getting the ball rolling, and then reporting other forum members to the CHRC for hate crimes. Disgusting.

Probably the best blunder of the CHRC so far has been the Moon report. Basically Jennifer Lynch tried to hire an "independent" study to prove the CHRC worthy of breathing air in this country. HERE you can read how that backfired, and Lynch was made too look like the idiot she rightfully is.

The process is daft, the people running the process are daft, and the fact that they actually have some sort of power, and quite a bit of it for now in this FREE country of ours, is very daft.
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The Grits have been having a good time opposing the Conservative government lately. The process goes as such: Bitch and moan about things they themselves wouldn't change, whine until the Conservatives present a report on the economy, ponder whether or not to lose an election, and rinse and repeat.

The Liberals are very opposed to this Torie rule, yet when it comes down to it, they impose stupid stipulations to try and delay the inevitable. Canadians do not want to go to a summer Election, the Grits would get roasted if they did, and they know this. But the more agreeing they do with the Tories, the less likely Canadians will want to vote for a party that is no different. With that, and the fact that no one cares for communism and Jack Layton, we will have the same election results as in October of last year.

That would be a massive blow to Michael "Just Visiting" Ignatieff. Well possibly, he will be back where he wants to be, in a veranda on campus at Harvard. We might as well get this over with, have an election, watch the Liberals lose more support in Ontario, and watch Ignatieff on the next plane to Boston.
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Ezra Levant came up in the first bit about HRC's. I have been deep into a book by him called Shakedown: How our government is undermining democracy in the name of Human Rights. Levant is a self-described conservative. He doesn't bash the Torie hierarchy, but does lambaste the CHRC and all of their bureaucrats. His book illustrates many stories of unjust actions by the HRC. It should be known that the HRC is full of relative nobodies. Many aren't judges and lawyers, just simple folk, put in a powerful position with lots of bias. The HRC in Canada does not follow actual Human Rights, declared in the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Instead it creates and imposes factious rules based on their own atrocious thought process. The "thought police" as they are referred to be Levant, are in place to prosecute people with political opinions and other worldly view points.

Levant's ever growing mission to abolish the HRC as a whole has sparked interest and media spotlight from such media outlets such as McLean's Magazine, Canada's leading political magazine, as well as the CBC and CTV television stations. Levant himself was brought into the Alberta HRC for re-printing pictures of the Danish cartoons depicting Mohammed with a bomb as a turban in his now defunct Western Standard publication. A nine month "trial" that ended in Mr. Levant winning for the most part.


For myself, reading up on HRC's I have found that they are completely ineffective, they seemingly end up agreeing with the complainant 99% of the time. In one case, a women working at McDonald's complained she couldn't wash her hands enough to keep up with company policy because her hands hurt too much. The HRC agreed with her, and she was allowed to continue working. What kinda of legal system is that? The trials are unfair, and, in most cases, the CHRC pays the legal bills for whom they feel like, usually the person with the ridiculous claim. Business's can't keep up with tax payer money, but the HRC can fund these idiots into a no-contest victory. In a real court, if you take a litigation suit against someone and lose, you pay for their legal fees. In the HRC its completely ass backwards, the HRC always wins, and if they do lose, the the defendant still pays for their wasted legal bills. Is that not strange?

I have become increasingly disgusted with the CHRC. The truth is out there. From high-profile news stories, to independent reviews backfiring on them. The CHRC is a disgrace to real Human Rights, to our Charter of Rights and Freedoms and too our country.

As Mr. Levant so rightly put it on his website:

Fire. Them. All

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Rascal Flatts. What hurts the most.


I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh
Oh yeah

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
(To say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

Not seein' that lovin' you
That's what I was trying to do

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Act, Love, Walk

He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.

-- Micah 6:8

This verse has become my new direction in life.

Monday, April 20, 2009

I can still remember the words and what they meant...

Pondering life is quite the task. It's difficult to figure out the uncertain, and predict the unpredictable. Life has not been particularly bad to me, but lately I feel like life has been a little harsh. Fortunately, I have been learning a lot through this uncertain time. I feel that I am not alone. When I do feel alone, I feel a sense of hope that a cling onto. I'm trying to make sure that the hope I feel is God, and not some sort of reconciliation I want in a broken relationship. While I would like nothing more then the later, the God part is much more significant for now and forever, and my "want" needs to be shifted to what God would want.

Having said that, I continually fight the feelings of wanting her back. I feel that, at times, I can't do anything without her. I feel lost, confused, and lonely. I'm sure this is all apart of breaking up, but I really felt that things were turning for the better before this all happened. I cling to memories that are great, but painful to think about. I'm caught between looking forward, are stopping and staring backwards. For me, I just don't see right now what better God has in store for me. Not life wise, just relationship wise. You don't just ask someone to marry you because you kinda like them...

I can see myself changing in attitudes, thoughts, and decision making. I'm continually making strides in my faith, and have even surprised myself with some of the things I have done. Maybe I wasn't always happy where I was at in the relationship, but God was missing from it. Sometimes you just want another shot, but that can't be the aim either. I guess my pride wants me to redeem myself.

In conversation last night with a couple friends, the analogy was made that not having God right now, would be like not having a life jacket in a shipwreck in the middle of the ocean. That is how I feel, and God is the only thing keeping me afloat right now.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

You Found Me

I don't generally care much for The Fray. But I have enjoyed how they have brought God into the mainstream music scene. Not since Jesus Walks by Kanye West, has a song, talked about God and been so popular. For me the lyrics speak to me deeply. I have come to enjoy this song a lot, and I am thankful that I can be open enough to music I otherwise wouldn't care much for.

I found God on the corner of 1st and Amistad
Where the West was all but won
All alone, smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where you been?" He said, "Ask anything"

Where were you when everything was falling apart?
All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang
And all I needed was a call that never came
To the corner of 1st and Amistad

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me

But in the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who's ever known
Who I am, who I'm not and who I wanna be
No way to know how long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me!

The early morning, the city breaks
And I've been calling for years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve taking all I want!

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, where were you? Where were you?

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me!

Why'd you have to wait to find me, to find me?

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

And I dont' want the world to see me...

'cuz I don't think that they'd understand...

Seven years ago I met the most amazing person. I was 16, in High school. I had gotten the boot from the school 2 years earlier, I went to play basketball for a better school in Grade 10. My marks suffered, I pretty much got passed through because athletics were much more important As my grades suffered, my parents felt it might be a good time to plead for forgiveness and get me back into a better school. I wasn't that reluctant to it, some part of me wanted to go back. I mean, this school produced my first girlfriend, some great friends and some memories not soon forgotten, all in my grade 9 year. I ended up getting back into the school, there was a waiting list, but by intervention, I was in. That summer was one of the worst times in my life, I've never known depression, nor did I know what it felt like. It was depression though, it lasted all summer, until the day I started school. I don't think I ever contemplated anything serious, but I remember just a deep pain that I couldn't explain. I didn't know why I was so upset, but something was wrong.

School started, and it wasn't long till I re-acquainted myself with old buddies, and new ones too. Everything came together. I was on the prowl again, I felt good for once. I don't remember much until I met her. I remember her walking through the door of our History class, I was stunned. I didn't remember her like this, probably because I had a girlfriend the last time I was there. I had to get to know her, and I did. I had no idea what i was doing, i was so nervous. Things went well and we ended up going out, I think I asked her out over MSN. Who cares right? haha. Thus started the next 7 years of my life.

We dated for 6 months, we broke up. Devastated was I. It wasn't soon after that though that I could see our relationship growing as friends. We started to get to know each other more, talking about more serious things, and just having a good time. Even though we were not dating, we were growing much closer together. I was pleased, I loved this women. We eventually started to date again, 9 months after we broke up. For the next couple years we continued to grow, we had ups and downs. Eventually we decided to get married. I've never been happier then at that point. I felt great about everything. This girl had opened my eyes. I grew to know God, i went to my first really good church service with her. I learned that malls were cool, and there was more restaurants then i ever imagined. I didn't get out much before this. I had no license, and my parents liked 2 restaurants.

Anyways, Marriage was upon me. It was upon us. We bought a house. We bought furniture. She has showers, we had so much stuff. I was excited, nervous, but excited.

Somewhere down the line things fell apart. I think its down to we were not ready and God was stepping in. We ended up canceling our wedding date. We sold the house. I remember being so upset with myself, I still be ashamed about it. I feel like I ruined it. It's tough, but i live with it. I remember when we were packing things, I sat in the basement and cried. I failed. Epically.

We talked about breaking up, it never happened though. I wanted to resolve things. I wanted so desperately to resolve things, make it better and get married. I loved her to death, and I wanted to make up for my failure. Maybe we should have broken up at the time, but i couldn't fathom it. We went on for 2 more years, I don't know how close we got to getting married again. We talked about it, but we still needed time, and we both weren't ready yet.

Fast forward too February 25 of this year. SHIT. It was over. God finally said no. As much as i wanted to tell God at the time to F off, he was right. We needed to become individuals. I get it. I get all of that.

From that point on, I fell on God, I had no choice anymore. I spent that night shaking, my heart racing for 3 hours. I felt sick. I cried all night, literally. Memories filled my head, good ones. You don't want to think of them, because you know there will be no more of them. I remember the first couple of days...seeing places, hearing songs, everything I did reminded me. I felt alone.

God showed up, but he wasn't going to stop my grieving. It is necessary to grieve, never think it isn't. It sucks so much ass, but you have to do it.

It has been a good month since i cried. Tonight I drove past our house, the one we had purchased. I saw us moving in, i remember it all, VIVIDLY. I wept. I couldn't help myself. What could have been? What went wrong? Why do I feel so at fault?

I don't totally get women. I don't get how they pass up on men who love them to no end. I don't know if I ever will. I question why God did what he did. Why take away something that I poured my heart and soul into, who I thought He sent for me. It's confusing. I know God has a will for me. I can't question it, because I have no choice. I do have questions, but I don't know, it all seems pointless.

Sum 41, yes, Sum 41 put it best in their song 'With Me'

"Thoughts read unspoken, forever in doubt
Pieces of memories fall to the ground"

Actually that whole song explains how I feel, and while I need to let go, I don't know. At times I don't want too. I want to hold out, for what? I don't know. I just want things to work out whatever way they are supposed too. I want to be happy. It's hard to imagine myself happier then I was when i was with her. I was happy to do things for her, to make her happy and put that smile on her face. I longed for those moments, times where I could act out my love, times where I could make her day and make her feel special.

I don't know how to end this, it isn't over. My pain is still real, and while it has subsided a little, it still hurts. I gave 7 years of my life. I don't regret it, but I just wanted a different outcome. I have 7 years of memories that die hard. 7 years of building a relationship that is non-existent now. 7 of the best years of my life.

I just wanted to get this out. I'm at a funny place in my life. I don't know where I am going, or what I should do. I battle between focusing on God and trying to figure out if we could ever get back together again. I want both.

As I prepare to leave for Europe I know I'm taking a big step for my own life. I have nothing to stay behind for. No one to miss. I pray that my eyes are opened, and I can experience something awesome for myself. Hopefully I can come back with a new perspective, hopefully a month away from life here will help the battle I am currently in.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The finer points of Bush

There are far too many people in this world who are so politically naive. There has seem to be this trend in 21st century culture that Bush was "the worst President ever." Most who think this are armchair politicians. They hum and haw and bitch and moan about the way things are, yet they contribute nothing to the greater good of society but pessimism and negativity. People who think Bush achieved nothing while in office fall victim of their own arrogance towards the political spectrum. Instead they rely on their own preconceived notions.

This article by Fred Barnes of the The Weekly Standard, it outlines the best points of the Bush administration. The facts are facts, sorry haters.

The postmortems on the presidency of George W. Bush are all wrong. The liberal line is that Bush dangerously weakened America's position in the world and rushed to the aid of the rich and powerful as income inequality worsened. That is twaddle. Conservatives--okay, not all of them--have only been a little bit kinder. They give Bush credit for the surge that saved Iraq, but not for much else.

He deserves better. His presidency was far more successful than not. And there's an aspect of his decision-making that merits special recognition: his courage. Time and time again, Bush did what other presidents, even Ronald Reagan, would not have done and for which he was vilified and abused. That--defiantly doing the right thing--is what distinguished his presidency.

Bush had ten great achievements (and maybe more) in his eight years in the White House, starting with his decision in 2001 to jettison the Kyoto global warming treaty so loved by Al Gore, the environmental lobby, elite opinion, and Europeans. The treaty was a disaster, with India and China exempted and economic decline the certain result. Everyone knew it. But only Bush said so and acted accordingly.

He stood athwart mounting global warming hysteria and yelled, "Stop!" He slowed the movement toward a policy blunder of worldwide impact, providing time for facts to catch up with the dubious claims of alarmists. Thanks in part to Bush, the supposed consensus of scientists on global warming has now collapsed. The skeptics, who point to global cooling over the past decade, are now heard loud and clear. And a rational approach to the theory of manmade global warming is possible.

Second, enhanced interrogation of terrorists. Along with use of secret prisons and wireless eavesdropping, this saved American lives. How many thousands of lives? We'll never know. But, as Charles Krauthammer said recently, "Those are precisely the elements which kept us safe and which have prevented a second attack."

Crucial intelligence was obtained from captured al Qaeda leaders, including 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, with the help of waterboarding. Whether this tactic--it creates a drowning sensation--is torture is a matter of debate. John McCain and many Democrats say it is. Bush and Vice President Cheney insist it isn't. In any case, it was necessary. Lincoln once made a similar point in defending his suspension of habeas corpus in direct defiance of Chief Justice Roger Taney. "Are all the laws but one to go unexecuted, and the government itself go to pieces, lest that one be violated?" Lincoln asked. Bush understood the answer in wartime had to be no.

Bush's third achievement was the rebuilding of presidential authority, badly degraded in the era of Vietnam, Watergate, and Bill Clinton. He didn't hesitate to conduct wireless surveillance of terrorists without getting a federal judge's okay. He decided on his own how to treat terrorists and where they should be imprisoned. Those were legitimate decisions for which the president, as commander in chief, should feel no need to apologize.

Defending, all the way to the Supreme Court, Cheney's refusal to disclose to Congress the names of people he'd consulted on energy policy was also enormously important. Democratic congressman Henry Waxman demanded the names, but the Court upheld Cheney, 7-2. Last week, Cheney defended his refusal, waspishly noting that Waxman "doesn't call me up and tell me who he's meeting with."

Achievement number four was Bush's unswerving support for Israel. Reagan was once deemed Israel's best friend in the White House. Now Bush can claim the title. He ostracized Yasser Arafat as an impediment to peace in the Middle East. This infuriated the anti-Israel forces in Europe, the Third World, and the United Nations, and was criticized by champions of the "peace process" here at home. Bush was right.

He was clever in his support. Bush announced that Ariel Sharon should withdraw the tanks he'd sent into the West Bank in 2002, then exerted zero pressure on Sharon to do so. And he backed the wall along Israel's eastern border without endorsing it as an official boundary, while knowing full well that it might eventually become exactly that. He was a loyal friend.

His fifth success was No Child Left Behind (NCLB), the education reform bill cosponsored by America's most prominent liberal Democratic senator Edward Kennedy. The teachers' unions, school boards, the education establishment, conservatives adamant about local control of schools--they all loathed the measure and still do. It requires two things they ardently oppose, mandatory testing and accountability.

Kennedy later turned against NCLB, saying Bush is shortchanging the program. In truth, federal education spending is at record levels. Another complaint is that it forces teachers to "teach to the test." The tests are on math and reading. They are tests worth teaching to.

Sixth, Bush declared in his second inaugural address in 2005 that American foreign policy (at least his) would henceforth focus on promoting democracy around the world. This put him squarely in the Reagan camp, but he was lambasted as unrealistic, impractical, and a tool of wily neoconservatives. The new policy gave Bush credibility in pressing for democracy in the former Soviet republics and Middle East and in zinging various dictators and kleptocrats. It will do the same for President Obama, if he's wise enough to hang onto it.

The seventh achievement is the Medicare prescription drug benefit, enacted in 2003. It's not only wildly popular; it has cost less than expected by triggering competition among drug companies. Conservatives have deep reservations about the program. But they shouldn't have been surprised. Bush advocated the drug benefit in the 2000 campaign. And if he hadn't acted, Democrats would have, with a much less attractive result.

Then there were John Roberts and Sam Alito. In putting them on the Supreme Court and naming Roberts chief justice, Bush achieved what had eluded Richard Nixon, Reagan, and his own father. Roberts and Alito made the Court indisputably more conservative. And the good news is Roberts, 53, and Alito, 58, should be justices for decades to come.

Bush's ninth achievement has been widely ignored. He strengthened relations with east Asian democracies (Japan, South Korea, Australia) without causing a rift with China. On top of that, he forged strong ties with India. An important factor was their common enemy, Islamic jihadists. After 9/11, Bush made the most of this, and Indian leaders were receptive. His state dinner for Indian prime minister Manmohan Singh in 2006 was a lovefest.

Finally, a no-brainer: the surge. Bush prompted nearly unanimous disapproval in January 2007 when he announced he was sending more troops to Iraq and adopting a new counterinsurgency strategy. His opponents initially included the State Department, the Pentagon, most of Congress, the media, the foreign policy establishment, indeed the whole world. This makes his decision a profile in courage. Best of all, the surge worked. Iraq is now a fragile but functioning democracy.

How does Bush rank as a president? We won't know until he's judged from the perspective of two or three decades. Hindsight forced a sharp upgrading of the presidencies of Harry Truman and Dwight Eisenhower. Given his achievements, it may have the same effect for Bush.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

By your side - Tenth Avenue North - The most encouraging song I have heard.


Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go
Whatever your doing - Sanctus Real - Seems that everyday a new song helps me understand what is going on, gives me hope for the day.

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This *is* something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time *to* breathe in and let everything out

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

I found myself in the car last night on the way and from a hockey game out in Selkirk singing away loudly to this song. The song is by Kutless.

Many things in life are hard for me
Many things can pull us down
I don't understand why I do what I do
How could I take my eyes off you
After all You've done for me
And after all You've done for me

It's by Your grace and love I am saved
It's by Your grace and love You've forgiven me, hey
And by that love and grace, I'm amazed
It's by Your grace and love I am free
I am free

And it's by grace and love that I am free
I'll live with you eternally
I thank you Lord that I am free
I thank you Lord for loving me
I thank you Lord for dying upon the tree of Calvary
I thank you Lord for loving me
I thank you Lord for dying for me

Because it's by grace and love I am saved
It's by Your grace and love You've forgiven me, hey
And by that love and grace, I'm amazed
It's by Your grace and love I am free
I am free

Many things in life are hard for me
Byt my grace and love You've forgiven me
And by grace and love we are free

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Casting Crowns - Praise you in this storm. How hard it is, how rewarding it has been.

I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Monday, March 2, 2009

Hope Now

God is Good, this song played 4 times for me on the radio yesterday, is by Addison Road and is called Hope Now. Sooner or later I will get around to explaining everything that has gone on in my life over the past week, and the surprise i finally found in Faith.

If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

I am not my own
I've been carried by you all my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

You've become my hearts desire
I will sing Your praises higher
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

Friday, February 13, 2009

The Sens

John Paddock decided yesterday that it would be a good idea to lay blame on the players in Ottawa and not the structure of the front office. Now I Like John Paddock, in fact I even spent some time at John's cabin when you used to reside in these parts. He's a cool dude. That being said, I disagree it is the players fault.

In Ottawa, they have one of the best lines in the NHL. Heatly is a 50 goal scorer. Spezza is a point per game player. Alfredsson is much like Spezza, and also adds some grit and a lot of leadership in the dressing room. They have some good young talent coming up. Brian Elliot has looked solid and Nick Foligno has upped his game.

The problem over the past couple of years is goaltending. Every good team has a good goalie defending its rearguard...well besides Detroit, but not every team has a Lidstrom. Bryan Murray has done little to address this situation. Gerber was a never a solid choice. Alex Auld isn't an NHL goalie. And they discovered Brian Elliot a little to late to save this season.

If Elliot continues to play well, then Ottawa will be a playoff team once more. They do need to add a puck moving defender, someone to anchor the power play. But outside from that, the Sens are 20 months removed from the Stanley Cup Finals. They have pretty much the same nucleus they had then, minus one Ray Emery. It's only a matter of time.

Clearly one fact remains. They aren't getting shit kicked night in and night out like the Habs and the Leafs. Also they are in the running for Tavares, and if not him, the puck moving defenceman they so desperately need in Victor Hedman. Who says an off year is a bad thing?

Thursday, February 12, 2009

...

I have no carbon footprint, I drive everywhere!

The Coalition

If anyone had any doubts about the coalition and what it means to Canada, you can look no further now to the Omar Khadr issue. Enough rhetoric has been let fly over a man who is charged with murdering an American Medic. But the supposed "voice of the people"--The coalition, has signed papers to bring this "victim" back into Canada. The coalition is appealing to Harper and Obama to release him from Gitmo and bring him back to Canada where we can assess his situation and ultimately integrate him back into society.

Now we all know Jack Layton sleeps with terrorists, it has been well documented over the years, but for goodness sake....

In the interest of picking up some votes, the retarded trio has decided to side with a guy accused of murder and war crime charges. A pathetic display of looking out for the safety of this country of ours. Too much time is being spent on an individual who does not deserve the time of day, especially with the economic problems plaguing us and our southern neighbors.

According to the coalition, who seem to have reignited themselves over such a marginal issue, and thus have tried to portray some relevance to people who vaguely found the relevant 3 months ago -- murderers have a place in Canadian society.

In times of economic crisis, the Coalition would like you to care for a 22 year old terrorist and murderer rather then figure out how to get food on too the tables of the jobless and their families. But of course, the majority of Canadians want this right?

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

N.D.P. (Notoriously Dumb People)

http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/fullcomment/archive/2009/02/11/ndp-discriminates-against-hard-working-canadians-who-aren-t-transit-workers.aspx

I guess the NDP don't believe in equality for its people anymore. And seriously, transit drivers? Of all the people to bring special attention too, we give it to the people who shut down Ottawa for a month. This last ditch effort to try and appeal to Canadians certainly will piss off the working class folk that are not transit drivers.

For all the people knocking Conservatism, the Torries, and Harper for that matter, get your parties to present a better mould of a leader. Right now, the terrorist supporter doesn't fit this mould. Iggy isn't interested yet in running Canada yet. And the Bloc is irrelevant to the cause. Have a solution that isn't jsut putting another guy in charge.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

George

For all the people that don't like Mr. Bush, you can look no further than last weeks Iraq National Election to see the profound change that has happened, courtesy of Mr. Bush.

The haters will say that Bush will have a tarnished legacy, but more important than oil and WMD's is the fact that the Iraqi people are well on their way to living in a democracy that is starting to flourish even with all the violence it has seen in the past.

A-Roid

Kudos to A-Rod for at least coming out and saying he did do it. He didn't necessarily lie about it in 2007 because of the fact that there was no substantial list of Banned substances when he was tested. When he was told that there was him and another 100+ players that may or may not have tested positive, there was no follow up done with him at the time.

Here is the thing: Why didn't Bonds go this route? And Clemens for that matter. Clearly they are both guilty. There is a LONG list of people waiting to testify against the asterisk man. While there is no turning back now for Bonds, it doesn't seem worth it, once he is found guilty of lying to a Grand Jury, to take that risk or jail time over a little humiliation. That humiliation wouldn't have been even half as bad as it will be soon.

People are going to say ignorant things such as , "...well maybe he didn't really take any performance enhancing drugs..." or "...not Barry, he's such a stand up guy, Canseco and all those trainers and nutritionists and former teammates are wrong..." Those people are naive. With mountains of evidence waiting for the court date in March, how could one think otherwise?

Personally I hope Bonds is prosecuted to the full extent of the law. I would hope in the end that his records are stripped from Baseball history. Ideally this happens. Ideally the US Federal Government makes an example of Mr. Bonds so that Senators can get back to trying to pull their country out of recession.

Maybe we should blame Barry for the United State's economic despair. Shame on you Barry, all that for a high voice, smaller testicles and a record few people give you credit for.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Israel...

Why do people think that Israel should just leave Gaza be? What about rogue missiles against innocent Israeli's is any different than attacks on Gaza and the West Bank? Why should Israel give up any land they conquered? The Americans don't give up land to the natives tribes of yesteryear. Canada does for some reason, but that is beside the point.

The terroists attacked innocent American people, but no, its alright to blame all of the American population for supposed hardships. But we can't blame all of the Palestinians for what Hamas is doing... If we do, it's somehow wrong. It seems hypocritical to me, regardless of the situation.