The long way home...

It's been quite the ride. Love, heartbreak, rock bottom, the light at the end of the tunnel. I've made it. There are some points in life you want to give up, things just don't work out the way you want them too, and shit hits the proverbial fan. I told myself at one point that I wouldn't say this, but it is time to move on, time to leave the past where it belongs. I had some great times, some awesome times that I will always remember. But life goes on, and it is short.

God stepped up when I yelled, screamed, and cried. When I lost it and broke down in my car on several occasions. When didn't think I could make it through another day.

Apparently this dude answers prayer too. It took a while, but then again I was reluctant to more change. I figured enough was enough. Apparently he doesn't give up, even when I had. I was led to the most amazing group of people. Community is a brilliant thing. I argued against it in the past but I can't deny its importance anymore. The grace and love that has been shown is nothing short of a miracle, no one cares where I came from, where I have been. I'm just new.

For a long time I've struggled to write something constructive on here. I think this can be attributed to me not seeing what really was going on. The negativity in my writing didn't reflect the change I was experiencing. I can write now, because I get it.

Someone asked me this past weekend what I thought of the people I now call friends. I didn't know at the time, mostly because for a long time I ridiculed the system, and the people in it. Funny how those people turned into the answer to my prayers. To answer that question: Truly Amazing. A gift from God. At one point I was quite chuffed about it, actually I still am.

I think this will be my last post on the past. I want its relevance to fade. Keep the good, and discard the bad. For the first time a week ago I woke up happy. That is what I want. It has been far to long since I felt that way. I think it is what God wanted all along.

Kutless has a brilliant song called Grace and Love. The lyrics resonate with me:

Many things in life are hard for me
Many things can pull us down
I don't understand why I do what I do
How could I take my eyes off you
After all You've done for me
And after all You've done for me

It's by Your grace and love I am saved
It's by Your grace and love You've forgiven me
And by that love and grace, I'm amazed
It's by Your grace and love I am free
I am free

Never has the phrase "Go In Peace" been so uplifting.

Thanks to everyone who has had their hand in my life, you will never know the level of appreciation I feel.

Finally: God is good. Always.

Trouble in the EU

Last weeks parliamentary elections were held in Europe with some 736 seats up for grabs representing all 27 member states of the European Union. The European Union consists of 375 million eligible voters. The first troubling aspect was that only 43% of registered voters ended up voting. There is a lot at stake in Europe these days. Far-right parties are flourishing, using the economic crisis and the failings of banks as their platform. The economic crisis has not helped matters, only instilling fear, the fuel used by these far-right movements. Far right parties have been making great strides as the left is slowly fading away, lacking direction and a platform. Heather Grabbe states that "In a way, it's the legacy of 1989 catching up with the left." She is referring to the collapse of the Soviet bloc. "They don't have a clear ideology to offer." Being a conservative myself, I tend to agree. Long has Europe held on to left wing, Marxist views, views that offer nothing in a time of financial instabillity. The spread of Conservatism in the EU has been a slow process, and extremism (far-right) has reared its head because of the lack of progression by moderate conservatives.

In last week elections there were some rather brash wins by some rather brash people. Hungarian ultra-nationalist party Jobbik took 15% of the vote, equating to 3 of the countries 22 seats. In Holland, the Party for Freedom came in second in the election and took 17% of the vote. Their leader, Geert Wilders is known for his controversial short film that links terrorism with Islamic Doctrine. In his own country he faces prosecution for inciting hate and discrimination. He is also banned from entering the UK. Other wins for the far-right included the Greater Romania Party. Their leader, one Vadim Tudor is touted as a holocaust denier and a former member of the Communist secret police in Romania. Even the Fascist party in the UK, the British Nationalist Party won two seats. They have never won a seat in any election in the EU, let alone the UK. They snagged 6.2% of the vote, an historic event. This can be contributed to the lack of popularity surrounding Labor party leader and British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, who is looking to save face before their national election, slated for sometime within the next year. Gordon Brown has taken a shellacking in the Commons, most notably for the Expense Scandal. British MP's were claiming expenses for what they call "costs related to their parliamentary duties." This included such things as second homes, which allowed MP's to live closer to work in London. One example of scandalous behavior came when one MP charged expenses for a home only 8 miles closer then his first home. Another charged British taxpayers for a home no where close to her constituency or London. Needless to say, If you didn't vote conservative, British people turned to the fascists. Browns Labor party came in third.

The EU elections have gone by the wayside, their legitimacy has been challenged in a couple places. One of them being the lack of interest shown by voters. Their motivated voters are making big strides. Most of these motivated voters are hailing from the far-right, sick of the left tendencies that have plagued Europe for decades. Most are labeled as extremists in their own right. Their leaders have shady pasts, some may not even be able to take their seats, such is the case for Gigi Becali. He took one of the seats in the aforementioned Greater Romania Parties victory. At this moment he is under investigation for kidnapping and is prohibited from leaving Romania.

Fear has taken over in Europe, Grabbe states that "these parties have managed to exploit the current economic crisis, the fact that people are worried about their jobs and their future, and convinced people that this will somehow all be worsened by the strangers in our midst." Lack of interest by the left-wing, especially in the last voting period saw most voters staying home. Lefties took a hard hit, losing major ground in almost every country. Center-right parties such as the UMP led by Nicolas Sarkozy, France PM, took 28.5 % of the French vote, and while it was the center-right who won the election, they saw little gains in popularity and more importanly seats. Left-wing parties fell off the map, losing many seats over the 27 states.

David Kynaston, a British historian points out that "People who, a generation ago, did not used to be cynical about politics now are. Worse still, people are not just indifferent to politics, they are ignorant about it." Time will tell on how the European political landscape plays out. Germany, Portugal and the UK will all go to the polls within the next year. A definite shift is happening, how far right it goes remains to be seen, but for now the left is all but irrelevant, finally.

HRC's, The Liberals, and Ezra Levant

Lately I have been spending a lot of my free time researching and educating myself about the Human Rights Commissions that unjustly "rule" this country. Much of my readings have been unbiased, looking at past reports done by media outlets such as McLean's, CTV, the CBC, and so on. It's been quite the educational process. What I have found, and formulated is the atrocious disregard for actual Human Rights, being displayed by the CHRC, and various provincial HRC's.

Here you can watch the head of the CHRC pussy out of debate with Ezra Levant, a leading Canadian activist against the CHRC.

Here you can read how the CHRC wants to censor you, for no real reason, this latest report by the CHRC is ridiculous. In fact, in my readings, the CHRC was probed itself, and found guilty of using its own members as "instigators", posting anti-Semitic comments on public forums. That's right, they posed as neo-Nazi's, getting the ball rolling, and then reporting other forum members to the CHRC for hate crimes. Disgusting.

Probably the best blunder of the CHRC so far has been the Moon report. Basically Jennifer Lynch tried to hire an "independent" study to prove the CHRC worthy of breathing air in this country. HERE you can read how that backfired, and Lynch was made too look like the idiot she rightfully is.

The process is daft, the people running the process are daft, and the fact that they actually have some sort of power, and quite a bit of it for now in this FREE country of ours, is very daft.
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The Grits have been having a good time opposing the Conservative government lately. The process goes as such: Bitch and moan about things they themselves wouldn't change, whine until the Conservatives present a report on the economy, ponder whether or not to lose an election, and rinse and repeat.

The Liberals are very opposed to this Torie rule, yet when it comes down to it, they impose stupid stipulations to try and delay the inevitable. Canadians do not want to go to a summer Election, the Grits would get roasted if they did, and they know this. But the more agreeing they do with the Tories, the less likely Canadians will want to vote for a party that is no different. With that, and the fact that no one cares for communism and Jack Layton, we will have the same election results as in October of last year.

That would be a massive blow to Michael "Just Visiting" Ignatieff. Well possibly, he will be back where he wants to be, in a veranda on campus at Harvard. We might as well get this over with, have an election, watch the Liberals lose more support in Ontario, and watch Ignatieff on the next plane to Boston.
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Ezra Levant came up in the first bit about HRC's. I have been deep into a book by him called Shakedown: How our government is undermining democracy in the name of Human Rights. Levant is a self-described conservative. He doesn't bash the Torie hierarchy, but does lambaste the CHRC and all of their bureaucrats. His book illustrates many stories of unjust actions by the HRC. It should be known that the HRC is full of relative nobodies. Many aren't judges and lawyers, just simple folk, put in a powerful position with lots of bias. The HRC in Canada does not follow actual Human Rights, declared in the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. Instead it creates and imposes factious rules based on their own atrocious thought process. The "thought police" as they are referred to be Levant, are in place to prosecute people with political opinions and other worldly view points.

Levant's ever growing mission to abolish the HRC as a whole has sparked interest and media spotlight from such media outlets such as McLean's Magazine, Canada's leading political magazine, as well as the CBC and CTV television stations. Levant himself was brought into the Alberta HRC for re-printing pictures of the Danish cartoons depicting Mohammed with a bomb as a turban in his now defunct Western Standard publication. A nine month "trial" that ended in Mr. Levant winning for the most part.


For myself, reading up on HRC's I have found that they are completely ineffective, they seemingly end up agreeing with the complainant 99% of the time. In one case, a women working at McDonald's complained she couldn't wash her hands enough to keep up with company policy because her hands hurt too much. The HRC agreed with her, and she was allowed to continue working. What kinda of legal system is that? The trials are unfair, and, in most cases, the CHRC pays the legal bills for whom they feel like, usually the person with the ridiculous claim. Business's can't keep up with tax payer money, but the HRC can fund these idiots into a no-contest victory. In a real court, if you take a litigation suit against someone and lose, you pay for their legal fees. In the HRC its completely ass backwards, the HRC always wins, and if they do lose, the the defendant still pays for their wasted legal bills. Is that not strange?

I have become increasingly disgusted with the CHRC. The truth is out there. From high-profile news stories, to independent reviews backfiring on them. The CHRC is a disgrace to real Human Rights, to our Charter of Rights and Freedoms and too our country.

As Mr. Levant so rightly put it on his website:

Fire. Them. All

Rascal Flatts. What hurts the most.


I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh
Oh yeah

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
(To say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

Not seein' that lovin' you
That's what I was trying to do

Act, Love, Walk

He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.

-- Micah 6:8

This verse has become my new direction in life.

I can still remember the words and what they meant...

Pondering life is quite the task. It's difficult to figure out the uncertain, and predict the unpredictable. Life has not been particularly bad to me, but lately I feel like life has been a little harsh. Fortunately, I have been learning a lot through this uncertain time. I feel that I am not alone. When I do feel alone, I feel a sense of hope that a cling onto. I'm trying to make sure that the hope I feel is God, and not some sort of reconciliation I want in a broken relationship. While I would like nothing more then the later, the God part is much more significant for now and forever, and my "want" needs to be shifted to what God would want.

Having said that, I continually fight the feelings of wanting her back. I feel that, at times, I can't do anything without her. I feel lost, confused, and lonely. I'm sure this is all apart of breaking up, but I really felt that things were turning for the better before this all happened. I cling to memories that are great, but painful to think about. I'm caught between looking forward, are stopping and staring backwards. For me, I just don't see right now what better God has in store for me. Not life wise, just relationship wise. You don't just ask someone to marry you because you kinda like them...

I can see myself changing in attitudes, thoughts, and decision making. I'm continually making strides in my faith, and have even surprised myself with some of the things I have done. Maybe I wasn't always happy where I was at in the relationship, but God was missing from it. Sometimes you just want another shot, but that can't be the aim either. I guess my pride wants me to redeem myself.

In conversation last night with a couple friends, the analogy was made that not having God right now, would be like not having a life jacket in a shipwreck in the middle of the ocean. That is how I feel, and God is the only thing keeping me afloat right now.

You Found Me

I don't generally care much for The Fray. But I have enjoyed how they have brought God into the mainstream music scene. Not since Jesus Walks by Kanye West, has a song, talked about God and been so popular. For me the lyrics speak to me deeply. I have come to enjoy this song a lot, and I am thankful that I can be open enough to music I otherwise wouldn't care much for.

I found God on the corner of 1st and Amistad
Where the West was all but won
All alone, smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where you been?" He said, "Ask anything"

Where were you when everything was falling apart?
All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang
And all I needed was a call that never came
To the corner of 1st and Amistad

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me

But in the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who's ever known
Who I am, who I'm not and who I wanna be
No way to know how long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me!

The early morning, the city breaks
And I've been calling for years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve taking all I want!

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, where were you? Where were you?

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me!

Why'd you have to wait to find me, to find me?