Fantasy Football Positional Rankings
Quarterbacks:
1. Drew Brees: It pains me not to put my love interest at #1 but he didn’t play more than a quarter last year. Meanwhile Brees racked up over 5000 yards and 30 + TD’s and came 16 yards short of breaking Dan Marino’s single season record for passing yards. Incredibly he did this without the aid of Colston for the first 8 games. With Colston healthy and the emergence of Welkeresque Lance Moore, there is no reason to think 4500 yards is out of the question, and another 30 or so TD’s makes him #1 for a second straight year.
2. Tom Brady: First of all he gives me a chubby. Secondly he makes me want to be gay, not a little bit gay, but full blown gay. Have you seen a picture of this man? I can barely see the ones I have anymore. But besides his good looks, Brady posted 50 TD’s and 4800 yards in 2007, his last full season. Last year he had 11 attempts and then got the shaft from some idiot DT from Kansas City. I have no qualms about his knee this year, Belicheck is a genius and Brady is God-like at Quarterback.
3. Peyton Manning: He’s ugly and he looks like a guy who had an affair with his mother, when he was married to his sister on the Jerry Springer show. These are great characteristics to have when one wants to be a premier QB in the NFL, well at least the ugly part. 4000 yards and 27 TD’s last year is a tad below average, but still good enough to earn League MVP honors and 4th in most fantasy formats. I don’t think 4000 yards out of the question and at least 25 TD’s makes him a solid play at least for another year or two.
4. Aaron Rodgers: Here is the thing, after the three preceding this position, there is a big drop off fantasy wise. Rodgers would be the next best bet. I would have Warner here, but Rodgers has more long term value then Warner does. Rodgers was a bit of a surprise last year. We knew he was alright, but not many believed he would be that good in the wake of Favre’s departure. He posted better stats they Peyton Manning. I see him having a similar season this year, if not better after having a full season under his belt in the NFL.
5. Kurt Warner: If this isn’t a keep league Warner deserves the nod here at 5. Surprising he is good looking as well, and a decent QB to boot. What an incredible season he had last year. His 4500 yards and 30 TD’s reflect the vicious passing game Arizona possesses with Fitzy, Boldin and Breaston, all of which will play again with Warner commanding under center once more. 4000 yards should come with ease, and 25 + touchdowns aren’t out of the question if he can stay healthy.
6. Jay Cutler: Lost a lot of value, for now, when he left Marshall and Co. in Denver. He joins the Bears and their weak receiving corps in which the best receiver happens to be their TE. Hester has the speed to run down Cutlers long bombs. Cutler threw for 4500 yards last year and had 25 TD’s. I don’t think he will break into the 4000 yard plateau. I think at least for this season his TD count will take a hit as well. If he was with Denver I would have him at 4, sadly he is not.
7. Philip Rivers: I hate Philip Rivers. He makes awful decisions on the field. He whines. He makes awful hand offs to LT2. He chokes in the clutch. But if it wasn’t for Drew Brees, Rivers would have been top dog in 2008, so I guess he’s not that bad, I just don’t care for him. He threw 34 TD’s passes and broke 4000 yards. He had the best passer rating in the league, and with LT’s abilities in question going forward, San Diego could be a pass-first team in 2009.
8. Tony Romo: Jessica is out of his life, and so is T.O. I don’t know what brought him down more last year, but I see Romo having resurgence this year. Romo also broke his pinkie and missed three games last year. I think his numbers will be good this year. 3700 yards and 28 TD’s is my guesstimate. Someone will have Romosexual tendencies and draft him.
9. Matt Schuab: Let’s face it, he throws to Andre Johnson, league receiving leader last year and #1 fantasy WR as well. Schuab started only 11 games last year and threw for 3050 yards and posted 15 TD’s in the process. If he can remain healthy, 3800 yards and 21 or so touchdowns make for a safe bet as your number 1.
10. Donovan McNabb: This is one streaky guy, he will have a couple real bad games, get benched and then the next week come back throw for 300+ yards and multiple touchdowns. He had an up and down year last year and still threw for nearly 4000 yards. He was sacked a respectable 23 times too, and they brought even more protection in with the acquisition of Jason Peters from Buffalo. Look for 3500 yards and 20 TD’s.
11. Matt Cassel: Outside the top ten, there are a lot of similar QB’s to draft. None of them are elite, but some of them at least have the potential to be. Queue Matt Cassel. A product of Belichick regime in New England, this guy took full advantage of Tom Brady’s injury. 3700 yards and 21 TD’s later and he was in elite company. He was the biggest FA on the market when it came to Fantasy after week 1. He now plays for Kansas City. He will have Dwayne Bowe, who is no Randy Moss, but I still expect him to put up decent numbers because KC will be behind in almost every game. A similar season stats-wise is in store for Cassel owners.
12. Ben Rothhhhlllesidlfhsdkfhsdlkfhsdghberger: Big, Strong, Dumb. Kind of like a toothless mother of 7, unsexy, but productive and reliable. He kind of won a Super-Bowl last year. He also has Hines Ward to throw too, and the emergence of Santonio Holmes helps a lot too. He will get sacked a lot though. And he will through a bunch of ridiculous interceptions to make you mad. Should be good for 3400 yards and 20 TD’s. Who knows though, you can still buy motorcycles…
13. Matt Ryan: I’m not sold on Ryan, but he did make Roddie White look good last year. Now he has Tony Gonzalez to throw over the top too. He did fall off a cliff in the last half of the year though, 7 of his 13 INT came in the last 5 games. Always the sophomore jinx to worry about too.
14. David Gerrard: I think I have him too high this year, but he finished higher than anyone expected last year. This is two schools of thought on Gerrard. 1 is that he will be better this year because of improvements to the WR’s around him. The second train of thought is that those improvements will be a hindrance. Holt is old, and his heyday is over.
15. Carson Palmer: Ocho Cinco wants to break records this year. Maybe he’s actually serious about playing well this year, and with the Housh out of the picture, he will have more balls coming his way. Chris Henry also looks like he wants to leave his past behind him and develop into the “Little Moss” he has been dubbed.
16. Kyle Orton: Neck beards are cool. I also wonder if Kyle Orton hears a who? If Brandon Marshall sticks around Orton could have a good year, if not, he might still have a good year with Eddie Royal. We will actually see here if Orton is a capable and serviceable QB with some talent around him this year.
17. Eli Manning: Uglier and far dumber than his brother. Somehow managed to win a Super bowl after one of his shitty throws where caught between a helmet and an arm by one of his receivers. No Plax this year, well at least I’m 99% sure on that one. Hixon will be the go to guy and rookie Hakeem Nicks will get some looks. Expect a serviceable year for Manning, as disgusting as that sounds.
18. Brett Favre: If he comes back, which looks to be pretty much a done deal, Ol’ Flip Flop will produce decent numbers. That means decent yards, TD’s, and INT’s, the latter will be high as usual from the late season quitter.
19. Chad Pennington: This guy never dies off; as soon as you think he is done in the league as a serviceable QB he heads to Miami and posts good numbers, to the tune of 3700 yards and 19 TD’s. I would expect similar numbers from the 33 year old. He finished 2nd in MVP voting don’t forget.
20. Matt Hasselbeck: Hopefully his back troubles are behind him. I like Hasselbeck, but his WR’s went down faster than Duane at a boy’s weekend. Then he battled back problems all year and didn’t really play too well when he got back. He has the Housh this year, but he is learning a totally different offensive playbook and I see him struggling in it. 3200 yards and 21 Touchdowns will suffice.
21. Joe Flacco: I love this guy; I just don’t love his receiving options.
22. Jason Campbell: Not sold on him
23. Trent Edwards: Better with Owens in the fold, at least until he tries to disrupt the team
24. Jake Delhomme: Still has Steve Smith, but they will be handing the ball off a lot.
25. Shaun Hill: Has some decent receiving threats. Crabtree hasn’t signed yet and is looking at a long holdout.
26. Mark Sanchez: Will shit the bed hard, you heard it first here.
27. Jeff Garcia: Better then Russell at age of 38, I don’t see doing that well and Garcia completes 65% of his passes.
28. Marc Buldger
29. Matthew Stafford: Time will tell on this rookie. He plays on the worst team in the NFL with one of the best receivers kicking around.
30. Brady Quinn: Will battle Derek Anderson for the #1 Job, this will be the year he gets it done, whether or not he is effective is the main issue.
31. Kerry Collins: Who cares
32. Luke McCown: See Kerry Collins.
