The American Dream

Well, well, well, it has been a fun 4 days in America. Saturday morning came bright and early and we were off, with faint yells of We're Going to America (Borat style) echoing in the van. The Drive met us with an hour wait at the American border, I thought it was terrorist activity but my fears were rested as it was just a long line up.

Our first taste of the American Dream came in Grand Forks at a local Culvers restaurant. The food was plentiful. I immediately figured out why 75% of the people in there were fat. The burger was great however and I didn't care to much as i needed the full American experience. From there we drove to Fargo and i took over driving. American Roads are incredible. They keep them in great condition for the most part, everything is four lane and you don't stop for lights or anything. Everything is based on a system of exits. Americans are smart.

The drive into Minneapolis was long but enjoyable. Doing 75 MPH all the way helped and the fact that once we hit Albertsville it was all 6 lane. American drivers are much smarter then Canadian ones, even the women understand rules of the road. Everyone knows how to merge properly and keep up a decent speed. Not many people do under the speed limit, but a lot of people really over-do it. We reached our hotel, it was Very Nice. One thing I found was that, contrary to popular beliefs, Americans are actually nice.

Day 2 came quickly, and I anticipated it greatly. I had never been to Mall of America before. We got there and i was overwhelmed by the size of the place. Parking was ridiculous. I was met with the sign that said: Minnesota state Law prohibits Guns in Mall of American. Uhhh....Isn't this normal. Americans. Once I got into the mall I had a few revelations. One was that brothers and sisters seem to get a long nicely, too nicely, and I wasn't sure why they all had baby strollers either. But I figured they were just doing there parents a favor for the day and moved on. Another revelation I had was that American women look like men. I encountered quite of few women that were taller then I, and that had more manly features then I did. I blamed this on the doping practices used by many Americans to get ahead in life and moved on once more. The last revelation that I can remember was that I figured out why three quarters of the mall was over weight. LOOK AT THE FRICKEN MENU'S. Being a fit, healthy Canadian, I was in heaven, I could indulge without the fear of gaining 150 pounds. My two MASSIVE pieces of pizza and a medium drink that was actually a XL up here, was less then 10 bucks. Man it was good. Oh and on a side note, Natives are replaced with Mexicans in the states. The amount of Mexicans that were there was staggering. But I liked them, they were very friendly.

I continued to eat and do nothing, I was feeling very American. I was drawn to Gun shops, hunting places and the Nascar store. I wanted a mullet and chops, I wanted a beat up truck. I wanted a torn Gun's and Roses Shirt with a ripped denim vest. The weather was too hot though for that and I bought shorts and a plaid shirt.

Day 3 consisted of more eating and doing nothing. We went to IKEA and strolled around in there. At the end I stumbled upon something strange, something that reinforced my views of obesity in America. The restaurant sold hot dogs for 50 cents. I ordered 7 in total with 3 drinks and the price came to $5.45. Even the poor could eat rich here. This place was as good as gold. We went back to the mall were I encountered the same sort of trends as before. Did I mention that there were a lot of black people? Well there was but they were are nice and cool. Not bad like we see on TV. The day ended with another feast for cheap followed by bed, had to make sure I kept all the food in me while I slept for the maximum American experience.

Day 4 saw us leave and come home. I made sure to buy some beef Jerky and a over sized bottle of Powerade for the trip. We stopped in a few more locations on the way home but that was it.

Now for a more serious part to this. First off, like i said before, the black people are very nice. When i sat down to eat my cheap, fatty pizza I overheard two black guys talking, and about 10 mins in they introduced themselves to each other. I thought that was really cool. Another thing I found was that people were very nice where they worked. At one Wal-Mart we went too the people actually looked like they wanted to work. They looked committed to their job, even if it was just Wal-Mart. They were knowledgeable and helpful. The Latin population worked out here too, it was nice to walk into a mall and not see all the rift-raft that you see here walking around.

I also saw my dream place to live. The place was called Clearwater in Minnesota. It's a great little town thats lively and quiet at the same time. Perfect weather and it just looks like something out of the movies. I'll admit that small town American is a much nicer proposition then small town Manitoba. The country down there is well kept, the highways are well kept. Bathrooms were clean everywhere I went. I love Canada, but America is an awesome place to be.

I learned a lot out there, especially about people. People who I probably had misleading views on before. But seeing them and how they get on it was nice to see that the media was wrong. These people are actually respectable and lead respectable lives. They weren't all flashing their guns and beating the crap out of people everywhere you went. And this was nice, it was a good place to be and you felt safe. There was no fear of anyone you didn't have to look down and walk. To push my political opinion I would say that George Bush has made this country great in the past several years. It's better then what it used to be and thats the best part.