The long way home...

It's been quite the ride. Love, heartbreak, rock bottom, the light at the end of the tunnel. I've made it. There are some points in life you want to give up, things just don't work out the way you want them too, and shit hits the proverbial fan. I told myself at one point that I wouldn't say this, but it is time to move on, time to leave the past where it belongs. I had some great times, some awesome times that I will always remember. But life goes on, and it is short.

God stepped up when I yelled, screamed, and cried. When I lost it and broke down in my car on several occasions. When didn't think I could make it through another day.

Apparently this dude answers prayer too. It took a while, but then again I was reluctant to more change. I figured enough was enough. Apparently he doesn't give up, even when I had. I was led to the most amazing group of people. Community is a brilliant thing. I argued against it in the past but I can't deny its importance anymore. The grace and love that has been shown is nothing short of a miracle, no one cares where I came from, where I have been. I'm just new.

For a long time I've struggled to write something constructive on here. I think this can be attributed to me not seeing what really was going on. The negativity in my writing didn't reflect the change I was experiencing. I can write now, because I get it.

Someone asked me this past weekend what I thought of the people I now call friends. I didn't know at the time, mostly because for a long time I ridiculed the system, and the people in it. Funny how those people turned into the answer to my prayers. To answer that question: Truly Amazing. A gift from God. At one point I was quite chuffed about it, actually I still am.

I think this will be my last post on the past. I want its relevance to fade. Keep the good, and discard the bad. For the first time a week ago I woke up happy. That is what I want. It has been far to long since I felt that way. I think it is what God wanted all along.

Kutless has a brilliant song called Grace and Love. The lyrics resonate with me:

Many things in life are hard for me
Many things can pull us down
I don't understand why I do what I do
How could I take my eyes off you
After all You've done for me
And after all You've done for me

It's by Your grace and love I am saved
It's by Your grace and love You've forgiven me
And by that love and grace, I'm amazed
It's by Your grace and love I am free
I am free

Never has the phrase "Go In Peace" been so uplifting.

Thanks to everyone who has had their hand in my life, you will never know the level of appreciation I feel.

Finally: God is good. Always.